:: Chris Soth ::

Two misfit altar boys discover that with holy water and communion wafers they can form a nice sculpting paste…when a new truckload’s delivered, they go a little wild building a lifesize homunculus…and when they accidentally spill communion wine on it…LIGHTNING…and you guessed it…

…JESUS IS BACK!

…but this time he’s………ADJECTIVE!

Shorter version:

Two Screw-Up Altar Boys resurrect Christ from their Church Communion Wafers…hilarity ensues.  

Maybe they use their Jesus Monster to battle their local pedophile priest?  

Flavin.  Frink.

Isn’t that good, but there are some really good laughs in it.  And you can tell it must be fun to hang out on that set.  Best joke:

“I’ve got Penthouse, Hustler and Playboy from the 70s, 80s and 90s.  It’s like masturbating in a time machine.”

Hey Gang,

This question from a fellow screenwriter:

“I got a letter from a production company that read my script. From the letter, my skeptical side thinks I am going to call and have someone try to sell me script notes. But I also feel they may want to explore a rewrite before committing to anything. What’s your take on this?”  

Chris says:

It’s good to be skeptical, but there’s no need to conclude anything now — you can get in touch and find out.

If they do try to sell you some notes, you can always decline…and I would probably counsel you to do so, if only over the “bait and switch”… …unless there’s a strong motivation to take them — like they want to show it to someone…though if that’s the case, the notes should be free, in my opinion.

If they want a free rewrite (another likely possibility), I’d do it IF:

A. I felt like the notes actually improved the script, that is, I agreed with them — and I’d own the rights to a better project when I was done. Keeping it clear all along that I retained the rights to all drafts of the script. AND…

B. Weighing what the benefits are of doing the rewrite w/this question — what are they going to do w/the rewrite when it’s done?

You’re perfectly w/in your rights to ask: “And if I can get you a great draft, then what happens?”…

So you’re right to be skeptical, but innocent till proven guilty, and even if they ARE trying to sell you notes, it doesn’t make them bad guys necessarily –plenty of legitimate outfits do that — though I do distrust them if they’re posing as a legitimate production company and mainly making their money selling notes… …if you’re going to pay for notes, go somewhere without such a pretense, I’d say.

One quarter BILLION, worldwide.  And $18.50 of that is mine…

…and it’s a mess.

But I suppose that doesn’t matter anymore, right?  

Parts of it are good, ok, but, it’s episodic as heck.  There’s like 7 movies in there, and they don’t add up to one strong one.

argh.  

Silly but fun.  

Empty, but…enjoyable.  

Like a really good diet soda.  

But a Loom God????

That might be a little much.  And sure, WANTED.  But what about NEEDED?  Am I right, fellow screenwriters?

About a year ago, you would have read me touting 800 FREE 411 here on the blog.

Forget them.  It went south, they stink now.  Before, if their voice recognition didn’t work you were taken to a live operator, eventually.  Not anymore, now you’re disconnected.  It was ad-driven and still is, but before, there weren’t so many advertisers.  NOW…they’re choked w/them and even when you don’t hear numbers, you get about three ads.  

Failure rate:  about 80%.  That’s right, when I call for a number I’m disconnected 3/4 of the time w/out getting it.  b4, I’d get shunted to a live operator.  

They are dead to me.  

Alive to me:

800 GOOG 411 — from Google.  Voice recognition has worked every time I’ve used it.  No ads.  NO ADS, ever, nor, am I told, will there ever be.  

AND…

…they connect you directly to the number.  Great when you’re driving…now, maybe I like to actually HAVE the number for later, and they don’t give it to you as a matter of course, but you have the option to get it…or they will text it to your phone.  Good.  And free.  

Google.  I think they do something else on the internets too.

There, I said it and I’m proud.  

…my own parents were in NYC for the weekend staying in an apt., w/out a phone, so I emailed the below, to my father, known non-fan of Father’s Day, which he feels is trumped up and ridiculous.  Written in the style of a press release:

NEW YORK CITY - SUNDAY 6/15/06

Noted humbug, Lauren Soth “won this round”, against the powers of fictive holiday creators, Hallmark and Spencer’s Gifts today, by playing to his anti-technology strong suit and avoiding the telephonic communication all day.  Visiting New York, Soth ensconced himself against the celebration of the specious day of tribute celebrating paternal affection and vigilance by taking precautions to be nowhere near any sort of electronics or any other communication device, the apartment taken for his stay having no telephone, but featuring a wood-burning stove and other such Bible Age “amenities”, such as walls, ceiling and, though not composed of dirt, also a “floor” .

Snarled Soth:  ”Suits me fine, this conspiracy to get our money STARTED with Alexander Graham Bell.”  Asked whether he would accept email in tribute for “Father’s Day”, Soth was torn, noting that “it’s free”.  Not escaping the atheist’s awareness is the fact that the “holiday” falls on Sunday, also enjoining “Christers” from calling to wish him a “good Sabbath” or say “God Bless You.”  Neither Hallmark, Spencer’s Gifts nor the Pope could be reached for comment, nor, indeed, otherwise acknowledge that any such conflict or “other side of the issue” exists, though, if reached, would probably say something like “You just can’t be nice to some people”.  

Soth objected to the capitalization of “Sabbath” and “god” at press time.  

And from my own day as a father, I sent the below today:

Madison teased me all day about Father’s Day being “a fake holiday”, after I told her about the email I sent.  She and I went up to LA for my day and saw Kung Fu Panda on IMAX then went to see Matt, Kim and Zoe.  The kids played while the adults chatted.  Then Madison and I went out to a special dinner — she’s developed a passion for steak, thanks to her father’s Atkins diet, so we went to The Pacific Dining Car for filet mignon and prime rib (tribute to Philip Soth).  We shared a meal and had a nice long talk.  Then on the long drive home…

…I told Madison she could watch a special movie I’d downloaded for her on my iPhone (free from iTunes!) :

Steamboat Bill Jr., starring Buster Keaton…

…which I had told her she would like because he was such a good gymnast and acrobat.  It was great to see her curled up w/her earphones and third millennium technology peering back to the early days of silent film, laughing and saying “ooh!”.  She was really enjoying it, and turned to me partway through the drive and asked if I wanted to use the phone or listen to a podcast, since it was my day.  I told her that letting her watch was my way of celebrating Father’s Day, since my own father took me to see Buster Keaton movies live w/musical accompaniment when I was a kid even younger than she is now.  And that I’d even grown up to become a screenwriter, w/a particular flair for the visual and that my first movie was stunt-driven with barely any dialogue and who knows if that wasn’t where it all started?  

She thought it was a very sweet story and curled up to watch Buster in the windstorm with the famous scene of the house’s facade falling on him, with the window dropping right around him as we drove home together.

…happy belated father’s day, all.

cbs

If you are, please get in touch — I know some of my students are, I remember emailing you an ebook (sound familiar, Frank?  My email to you just bounced back).  I have some questions.  You can email me at the address below:

chris@hollywoodbyphone.com

A week ago I interviewed Billy Mernit on Hollywood by phone and Billy said that Sex and the City was bigger than anybody thought it was.

After Indiana Jones is open only one week, the winner of the weekend is Sex and the City. Does this mean that women are returning the theater?  

Now this will probably will not be taken as a valid test case because of the popularity of the show.  But is a show that’s runs for years a way to make a better movie?  Yes, there is room for romantic comedy and the female protagonist, at least with 5 to 7 years of branding. 

You go girls.